First in my bloodline
- rx4trauma
- 24 hours ago
- 5 min read
Thanks to social media (and sometimes my children), I occasionally manage to catch onto a trend before it becomes outdated. This is not a skill I had in high school, so I consider it a midlife achievement.
Yesterday I was scrolling Instagram and came across a post about a 23-year-old woman from India, Sithara Jahan. She asked her strict parents for permission to go on a girls’ trip to Kashmir—something she was absolutely sure they would say no to.
And surprisingly… they said yes.
While on vacation she posted a picture of herself strategically flashing a certain finger and wrote:“First in the bloodline to travel without husband.”
The post went viral. Other women started posting their own “first in my bloodline” moments. There’s even a song now by Lara Raj from the girl group KATSEYE.
(Seriously. How impressed are you with my pop culture knowledge right now? My teenagers certainly are not.)
So….since I am clearly a trend follower…
First in my bloodline to…
1) Go to therapy. This might be the one that stands out the most to me. I can’t trace my bloodline all the way back through the generations, but the part I do know about contains a lot of trauma. The kind that people didn’t talk about. The kind that got buried under immigration, survival, and “just move on.”
Therapy, for me, is partly about trying to make the next branch of the family tree a little sturdier. Stronger. Maybe a little less emotionally constipated.
But let me tell you—digging through generational trauma is like trying to untangle old Christmas lights. You start with optimism. Two hours later you’re questioning your life choices.
And yet… I keep going.
2) Go to medical school. This one is complicated.
Let me start by saying that I love being a family physician. Truly. Or at least I did before the medical misinformation transcended the internet and social media.
But the honest truth is… I didn’t actually want to go into medicine.
I applied to medical school largely because it felt like the expectation of my bloodline. Some families pass down jewelry. Mine passed down career expectations that they hadn’t achieved but looked to future generations to fulfill.
Do I regret becoming a doctor? Absolutely not.
Do I have trauma from medical school and residency? One hundred percent.
But at least now I have both a medical degree and a therapist.
3) Not have an arranged marriage. In India, if you don’t have an arranged marriage, it’s called a “love marriage.”
Which always made me laugh because growing up in the United States, I thought love marriages were just… called marriages.
I met my husband in medical school. We dated. We “pseudo-lived together,” which means we were definitely living together but telling our parents a slightly edited version of the story.
Then we got married.
And let me just say—even when you date beforehand, marriage still comes with surprises. Apparently people can hide personality traits until after the wedding cake is cut (cue my husband’s idiosyncrasies regarding unpacking within 5 minutes of returning from a trip, not eating food in a car and orienting the toilet paper in the “over” position.
4) Have pet dogs. When I was growing up, I don’t remember knowing any South Asian families with dogs.
And if there was someone who did, my mom thought they were slightly unhinged and trying way too hard to be “American.”
Then we got our first dog, Albus Dumbledore.
You know that scene in The Grinch where his heart grows three sizes?
That was me.
Now we also have Einstein, our lovable rescue. And I sob whenever I read stories about animals overcoming adversity.
Except snakes.
I am not that evolved yet.
5) Have a trans child. Again, I can’t say this with total certainty about my bloodline. Trans people have existed for generations but for the most part never seen by society (unless it was in a negative light).
It was only in the last ten years that I really learned about the trans community in India- which I never knew existed. I had seen hijras growing up, but I didn’t understand that many were transgender.
The messages I got about them were… confusing.
They were considered religious and powerful. But also “crazy.” I was told to respect them—but also avoid them.
So as a child I remember watching groups of people singing and dancing in the streets and thinking:Am I supposed to be scared? Respectful? Curious? All three?
It took me many years to realize that what I was seeing was something much more complex—and much more human—than the stories I had been told. And somehow thinking back to the hijras that danced around me is a comforting memory when I think about my trans child living their life open and free.
6) Not pass my language down to the next generation. This one hurts the most.
I failed.
My kids know a few Gujarati words, but they are nowhere near fluent.
On our recent trip to India we visited my dad’s family, who don’t speak English. And for two hours I managed to carry on a conversation in my very broken Gujarati.
My grammar was questionable. My accent wandered around the room like a lost tourist. But my family was so gracious. They smiled, nodded, and filled in the gaps.
And I felt proud.
But also a little sad.
Because if I could go back, I would push past my insecurity about speaking imperfectly and teach my kids Gujarati anyway.
Maybe someday I’ll get a second chance—with grandchildren.
And if that happens, I will absolutely become the annoying grandmother who only speaks Gujarati to them.
Because apparently being first in your bloodline sometimes also means realizing what you wish you had passed along.
When I think about it, being “first in my bloodline” doesn’t always feel bold or revolutionary. Most of the time it just feels like living a normal life—making choices, stumbling over rocks and boulders I didn’t expect, and occasionally realizing I’ve wandered off the path my ancestors walked. Some of those firsts make me proud. Some come with regret. But that’s probably how families change—one slightly rebellious decision, one imperfect attempt, one generation at a time moving in circles, lines and all the shapes in between.
