Mom- what were you like in the 90s?

Have you heard about this Tik Tok trend? (Yes. Yes. I am in the know).

Mom—what were you like in the ’90s?

ahem… cue Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls… and begin

In the 1990s, I was:

1) Ditzy (on purpose).I had been a full-on nerd growing up—mathletes, teacher’s pet, the whole deal. But in the ’90s, being smart wasn’t exactly cool. Life goals involved being like Kelly Taylor, not Andrea Zuckerman (Thursday night 90210 viewings were quintessential ’90s dogma).

Then, my sophomore year, I transferred to a “smart” school—where being intelligent didn’t set me apart. Quite the opposite. I quickly realized there were people way smarter than me. And, dare I say, I felt stupid.

So, I reinvented myself… and maybe not in the best way.

Did I ever really look this young? Image NOT created by AI.

I discovered that acting bubbly and flighty made me seem endearing and funny. So, I leaned in. Hard. I convinced myself people were laughing with me, that they appreciated my humility and this new “look” would help me get boyfriends. Ugh.

My cheeks are flushed with embarrassment as I type this.

Acting ditzy was a survival skill. In a new environment where I couldn’t find my footing, I stepped into a persona that felt right in the moment—but maybe not in the long run.

It took me years to realize that. More importantly, I learned I didn’t need to make myself smaller—or dumber—to be liked. Sometimes I still catch myself slipping into those old habits, but I remind myself it’s unnecessary now. I want to be known as me—sometimes on point, sometimes completely off, but always me.

2) Emotional.God, I was emotional.

And honestly? Sometimes I miss it.

These days, life seems to require staying neatly within neatly drawn boundaries. But back then? Everything was intense. The highs were so high. The lows were so low.

This wasn’t anything clinical (at least, most of the time, it wasn’t)—it was hormones, independence, and feeling everything for the first time.

I remember sitting in a stairwell with my best friend, snot all over my face and no Kleenex in sight, overwhelmed by feelings of grief I couldn’t even name yet… and somehow, it all felt alive. Weird right? Maybe it comes back to that saying: it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. The pain of broken relationships only illuminated the edges of the next romance.

We often blame kids for being dramatic. I catch myself getting frustrated when my kids say they had the worst day of their life because they had to sit alone at lunch—only to remember that those emotions (good and bad) are electrifying, and they deserve to feel them. There will be a time when they’re older and expected to “adult,” when reactions are muted and emotions go unexpressed.

And the more we suppress them, the more our bodies hold on.

Enjoying my 17th birthday, wearing my favorite overalls with a big smile.

So yes, in the ’90s I was emotional.And in 2026, believe it or not, I’m learning to lean back into that again.

3) Loved.I had so much love to give—but more importantly, I needed to feel loved. I needed to feel safe. And that wasn’t always something I felt growing up in the ’80s.

Of course, my parents loved me. But the love immigrant parents give doesn’t always translate into what a first-generation kid—an ABCD (American Born Confused Desi) teenager—needs to feel seen and understood.

In high school, I went away to a public residential math and science academy with kids from all over the state. Being 15 and away from home creates a different kind of vulnerability. And in that exposed state, I found my people—a group of girls who became my safety net, my therapy, my chosen family. They showed me a version of unconditional love that only teenagers seem capable of—and because of them, I thrived.

A nostalgic throwback to freshman year, embracing the 90s vibe in classic denim overalls and a smile.

In the early ’90s—no cell phones, landlines that charged by the minute, and email just beginning—the people sitting in front of you were your world. And that was them. Some would say we were isolated in the cornfields of Aurora, Illinois, without cars or parents. But I never felt isolated. Not sitting in the dorm hallway late into the night—giggling, venting, just being ourselves.

In those moments, I wasn’t ditzy. I was me.

I’ve lost touch with some of them over the years. People change. Life moves on.

But they were there when I needed them most. They gave me a sense of safety I hadn’t known before.

My sister rolls her eyes when I say I peaked in high school. Maybe that’s true. Maybe it’s not. But those girls made me feel seen, safe, and whole—and I don’t know that I’ll ever experience that in quite the same way again.

Life changes. Adult responsibilities creep in. Friendships become more conditional out of necessity. But during those high school years, their love helped me grow into someone I wouldn’t have become had I stayed home.

And here’s the thing…

I’m not that ’90s girl anymore—but she’s still in me.

The ditzy act reminds me never to shrink myself for approval.

The emotional girl reminds me what it feels like to be fully alive.

And the girl who needed love? She reminds me to appreciate the love I receive while also giving it back when I can (I'm just being honest).

The ’90s didn’t just shape me. They cracked me open, humbled me, and—over time—helped me rebuild into someone more aware, more grounded, and a little more honest.

Still a work in progress… but that’s what the 2020s are for, right?